I think God has an interesting sense of humor. When Seth Bartlette
traded in his Audi for a Buick I laughed at him and thought, "That's just silly. Crazy silliness. He's taken a trip to silly McSillyville." Why would a 25 year old want a car designed for 70+ year old men? We're getting
older but we're not
that old! I
had to make my jokes and let people know I was against Seth's recent purchase. Of course I did! If I hadn't done that, then my purchase of an Oldsmobile this week wouldn't seem nearly as ironic (or hypocritical!).
My plan was to trade my 10-year-old Ford F150 truck (may angels lead you in Barney) in for a vehicle that got better gas mileage and had enough room for two car seats. Ema and I are NOT having another child right now but we may at some point so I wanted to have that option in the vehicle. Initially I was thinking about something sporty yet spacious (I'm nearly 6'5"). A Honda, Toyota, a small Ford, or something trendy-ish would be appropriate and desired. But, I tell you the truth, when you sit in the comfortable seats of an Oldsmobile Aurora and look at the on-board trip computer you start to throw all those plans out the window. Trendy? Psh! Comfort!! That's what it's all about.
This is what my car looks like (mine isn't the same color, though)...
Getting rid of my truck (I've had him since I was 17) was tough but I'm looking forward to these things (Seth
made a list too... it's an Old Man Car Club rule... I love the Olds for much of the same reasons as he loves his Buick)...
1. Getting to nod at the old men at the truck stop/restaurant because I understand their car culture. "Hey Frank... yep... she's got lumbar support in the seats." I will also get to shake my fist in the air at the vehicles going 5+ MPH over the speed limit and talk about how they will either kill someone or their selves if they don't slow down.
2. Being a living time and temp. There's no need for my family or friends to call for the time or temperature because my car has all those details built into it. Just call me. I will do my best Kramer-movie-phone impression.
3. Going from 10-12 MPG in my truck to averaging 33 on the highway in the Aurora. How do I know this? THE COMPUTER ON MY DASHBOARD! By the way, you want to know the time or temperature?
4. I'm sure my
AARP applications will increase. The people at AARP have a 6th sense about who owns old-man cars in the US.
5. I'll get to use the sunroof like Richard Gere in Pretty Women and woo my wife all over again. I might need someone to drive the Aurora to pull this trick off. I will also attempt to climb the side of our house and go in our upstairs window. She'll be putty in my hands.
6. If I've fallen and can't get up, I can push the red cross that apparently goes to Onstar. I also plan on using this function if I get lonely.
Onstar: Onstar, what is your emergency?
Nate: Oh nothing. What'cha doing? Isn't it beautiful outside?
Comments (7)
This was hilarious. But, not to put a damper on your list, I would just like to say, for the record, that my non-old-man Chevy car also gives the mileage, temperature, and time. So... just saying. You've got me beat on everything else, though. Including the fact that I am not a man.
very funny.
@AimeeAnne - Aimee, you are the rain on my parade. I will revel in the fact that I can have conversations with the good old boys that you can't, though so thanks for pointing that out. Chevy drivers are in the young, crazy, and far-too-complacent youth category for the Old Man Car Club. Those crazy youth with their youthiness and lack of appreciation for AARP and the Carol Burnett Show! Sadly, I feel at home amongst the Old Man Car Clubbers.
@nloucks - I play the role of parade-rain rather well. I neglected to mention, however, that my brother calls my car the granny-mobile, and I have only ever seen middle-aged or old women driving the same model/color. Also, there's not an automatic thing about it (no power locks, no cruise control, old-fashioned windows that have to be, gasp, rolled up or down). Could that be why I do, secretly, have a very high appreciation for Carol Burnett and her obvious genius?
At any rate, again I say, I am far from ever becoming a member of your Old Man Car Club... and I do thank the heavens for that. Nor do I have any intentions of ever starting a Granny Car Club because I'd like to pretend that my car is indeed, somehow, stylish. And besides, what grannies do you know who actually care to discuss the cars that they drive? Maybe I should start a knitting group instead.
Nate, may she serve you well and long (assuming it's a she)... Are the judges still out on the name?
nice family car Nate !
God does have a good sense of humor; doesn't he?